Never mind the rest

I'm not better nor less

and even as a mess

I still remain

perfect.

I'm not smart nor dumb

and naive as a lamb

I continue to sacrifice

my self.

I'm passion underneath a shell

inside I grow a burnin' hell

and heart pieces fly

within.

I'm breathless love

pure as a white dove

here for you

as a sign.

I'm a treasure island

with its core - silent.

you should start the quest

never mind the rest...

11.01.2012

by Upanishada

My mantra

I had moments when I freaked out within - in a quiet, yet chaotic-desperate manner - it was my moment when I had pushed myself into the darkness of my own being and I have to admit I was not understanding much of what was going on. I wanted to run away, delete everything that I had done, felt, experienced, act like it had never been... but the more I was trying to do so, the more I was deepening the wound, the more I was seeing darkness and no light.
And I said: "Fine, I am here now, I have never been here before, but since I am, it must be a reason behind this whole thing".
You know, it's harder to dig in mud, than to dig in hard ground... for the obvious reasons.
I guess I met my personal swamp this year - an interesting sight to observe, but if I had not gone inside it, I would not have understood the reason why I got there in the first place.

You know what makes a friend a real friend? When that person will tell you the most horrible things about you, because he/she loves you; not because he/she hates you... When he/she knows that this is the only way that you can be helped, that person will tell you such things and he/she will encourage you to go in the journey of meeting yourself and your darkest corners.

And you know what? No matter where you go, the journey will eventually have to happen inside yourself - coming home is never a destination, but a state of your soul.

I understood that the way I am is the best way that I can be - moreover, I am the only one who can decide what to change and what not to change about me. This is freedom, in my view.
I realized that words have a positive meaning only when you speak from the heart and from experience... There are no universal truths, everything can be one way and the moment you take it for granted, that very thing can show you a backside which you never imagined it could be there. And it usually hurts you.

 I am grateful I could hate myself strong enough to want to love myself.
But I had to see the rubbish, in order to see the gems. It's just the way things work.

And I learnt that what you want from life and what you want to do in life depend only on your wishes, your will to commit, your hard working desire, your ability to understand that the help that you actually need is YOUR help and also to really shift from THEORY to PRACTICE.

I close this year with a smile upon my face, a lot of love in my heart, a lot of faith in myself, with a "to do list" - which I will keep to myself - and with a feeling of gratefulness which I find hard to explain - so I won't. :)

For 2012 this is my mantra: Get Excited and Make Things ! 

nothing much

I'm out of words, for now...

The Quartz

It's said that it is needed some thousand of years for a few millimeters of quartz to grow, therefor the process during which a big crystal of quartz is formed is a very slow one.

It is usually found in a "mine flower" formation and these "flowers" are like a family of crystals, each crystal vibrating and having its own energetic pattern, but which manages to form a harmony with the vibrations of all the other crystals.
These crystals send out energy in a spontaneous way, charging one another.

Also called "The King of Crystals", the crystal quartz is a powerful healer and a great energy amplifier from the face of the Earth.
It manages to purify and energize the energetic layers of the aura and studies (made by using the Kirlian Camera System) have shown that a person who holds in his/her hand a crystal quartz manages to double his/her energy field of the body.

For a general use, this crystal can be used for any purpose, because within itself there is a white light which contains all the other colors.
The quartz is the "salt" of the Earth, being as old as our planet and having the closest element composition to the composition of Mother Earth - it contains silicon dioxide, one of the most common minerals found in the composition of the earth.

The Quartz is a subtle purifier of the soul, combining in a harmonious way the physical and mental dimensions.
It corresponds to the divine flame which is found in every human being, being consciousness crystallized in a material form.  
During meditation, the crystal quartz filters out all the disturbing elements and in the mental dimension it manages to enhance memory and betters one's ability to focus.
It stimulates the immune system of the body, bringing balance.
It brings harmony among the chakras and it brings balance within the aura.

Its energy reflects in the same time the past, the present and the future, it is a "hallway" between the physical dimensions and the subtle/spiritual dimensions.
It can be used for a better communication with minerals, plants and animals and it can also help us communicate with higher forms of intelligence outside the physical world, with angelic entities and masters.

It is considered to be a sacred stone and its powers have been known for ages...
In the Orient civilizations, it was considered to be the stone of perfection and of patience, while the Tibetans were using it to heal wounds.

The Quartz is a powerful stone, which has the ability to energize but also purify and charge other stones/crystals.
The physical and the energetic structures of a human being can benefit from its purifying effects. Also the crystal emphasizes the mental abilities of a person and creates a balance between a person and his/her spiritual mission.

It offers energy to the body, neutralizes harmful radiations and is of great help when it comes to health issues of the stomach and of the heart.

Because its vibrations are similar to the ones of a human being, this crystal is of great help in meditation, but, if the crystal deals with an impure person, it may refuse to manifest its healing effects.

The Quratz is extracted from India, Sri Lanka, Kenya, Madagascar, Brasil, USA, Russia, Switzerland and Austria.
In Romania it can be found in Maramureş - here the crystal also being called "the diamonds of Maramureş".

- in the next post I will write about the Pink Quarz -

for the next chapter

Some days ago, I asked my mother to help me with the clay beads and she agreed.
So I gave her a piece of clay and allowed her to play with it and make beads :) which I will later on color and paint and make necklaces and bracelets out of them.

I realized it made me happy to see my mother get involved in this clay-thing :)) because I could see how focused she was while doing them, but I could see she was also glad to help me.
It's easy to give someone a bit of happiness.

I'm choosing to accept myself and to accept people around me just the way they are.
I'm saying choosing, because it is a process I have to go through, somehow, though I thought it would work differently, I realized that, at least for myself, it is not a change which can happen over night... So, I can say I'm learning to do this. Moreover, I find it easier to accept others than accepting myself (at times)... But I'm here, in this point, so I think it's a good place to be in.

A very dear soul told me one of these days to not take people for granted and I thought about it...
It's not that I wish to do so, but people become so much part of who I am, that I see the situation as being very normal like this... But I, if I think about the idea of "taking for granted"  I associate this with not valuing the persons who are in my life and I can honestly say that I do value the people who are part of my life...
I'm not trying to say that I am perfect or that I always act 100% correctly... maybe, sometimes, I do hurt people without even knowing... Maybe I am not fully aware of my acts, thoughts, emotions.
I know I'm also an individual who needs comforting and what not... I've read and I've been told that if I do not love myself, I have no love to offer; if I do not care about myself, I cannot care for others; if I cannot forgive myself, I cannot forgive anyone else and if I cannot value myself, I cannot value anybody else... and I believe it is true... (but I have all these BUTs in my mind)

I feel pain while writing these lines, because I do feel lots of love for so many, for this entire planet (I may sound ridiculous saying this, but I will take the responsibility of these words) and I just feel that maybe sometimes I fail in expressing it clearly... and I regret doing so.

I hope that in this life I will find out who I am for real and what my mission is...
I hope I will give at least 50% of all that I have received from people and this world; and I hope I will give the other 50% to myself - to be a better person, richer in emotions and life experiences... to leave better prepared for the next chapter.

I thank all of you...

I and My Creative Spirit

It must be because it's December... or maybe not... probably because I haven't been in touch with my creative spirit lately and, therefore, my creative spirit is missing me and I'm missing it.
I have this huge desire to bathe in colors, in fluffy warm things which smell like sweet, orange, vanilla, chocolate, strawberry, cinnamon, hot pepper... all of them at once ! Yes !
I feel like constantly reading, painting, drawing, "digging" through Google Images for cute pictures with all sorts of cute-pink-warm-delicious-teddy-bear like things... I love this insanity! :))
I feel like decorating, changing, moving things from their normal places...
My heart is dying to find the time for these things...
I need to switch the energy level to a higher one ! Overload level should be perfect !
I'll get back to you all, once I have a few things to show... like... what came out from the meeting between I and My Creative Spirit. :) I think a new idea for a blog just came to my mind ! Yey !

This is what we all do

At times I wonder how this Planet can still survive in such mass madness of emotions.
It's insanely surprising how everything can exist at the same time:happiness,sorrow,pain, joy,hope,despair,peace,war,hunger,abundance,poverty,richness...
It's strange how for some, drama means not being able to have the new iPhone 4S, while for others drama is eating from the dumpster or not having clean water to drink... and yet, we live like this... in some sort of global numbness... where it's OK we don't see things, because it means they do not exist, it means that everything is alright... when a few miles away from your home, someone is dying within its life itself... and he/she cannot even dare to dream of something...
I get so frustrated on myself when my drama is not having 10 pairs of shoes or when I did not manage to go to God knows what party... or when "I don't know who I am" issue keeps me awake at night. And there are people for whom life is just a burden... and there are children who are born in such places, where from the start they have no future, no hope, no childhood.

We sell lies and we buy lies through TV... because everyone has to be updated... you have to be a fashionista, you have to have certain clothes, you have to talk in a certain way, you have to be like you've just been pulled out from the box - FLAWLESS -
And everyone should want to be a star -  because you'll be seen like a Superhuman or a NonHuman... a GOD ! Then everyone will want to be like you, to walk like you, to talk like you... Everyone should sing, act or at least be a superstar for some reason - maybe because you dress like a slut or puke because of drinking too much alcohol (because drinking is cool, it gives you that X Factor)... and you should definitely have a reality show, it will make you look more... real??!!??
WE DON'T KNOW WHO WE ARE !!! But let's face it ! How many of us really wish to know WHO THEY/WE ARE?? It seems to me that even this spiritual current is getting to be a trend  for so many... I hope not for everyone.We talk about energies and all we feel is the vibration from our cell-phones placed on silent mode.
We make a living out of showing off, we transform ourselves in catwalks, in advertising places, in shop windows and wait for the applauds. Any minute now, someone will compliment us and we will smile in a delicate way, saying to ourselves and to others: "Oh, it's nothing !".
We're insane! We're building a plastic world - fake world - around us, not understanding that we're building for our children, leaving them a wannabe heritage.

We abandon children in hospitals, on the streets and everywhere in this world, we torture children and animals, we abandon animals... we kill animals and kill everything that is innocent and pure. Do you want to know why? Because we're abandoning ourselves, killing ourselves, torturing ourselves! And we think: SOMEONE ELSE IS DOING IT ! but, NO ! WE ARE DOING IT TO OURSELVES.


And each and everyone one of us is responsible for this!


The funny thing is that when YOU will read this, you will automatically not think of you, but to others... you will say to yourself: "Oh, I know a bunch of people who do this and that..."
But what about you??

I'm beginning to understand my call, my mission or my purpose here...
It's hard, I'm not getting the puzzle right, but today, I kind of understood a small thing...
And it's up to me if I wish to leave on this mission or not... I will see...
My intention is not to be another Christ up on the wooden cross and frankly, I don't know if anything should be saved or not... but I feel this huge urge for better, for good, for beauty,
for love.

I saw some quotes from a new movie called "In Time" - the story seems interesting -  I was thinking to watch it... but apart from this, I believe this matches very well with what I wrote today:

"Will: How can you live with yourself watching people die right next to you?
Sylvia: You don't watch. You close your eyes."

This is what we all do. We close our eyes.