The journey towards your heart and soul

Lately I've started remembering more moments from my childhood days, at times it amazes me how I've forgotten them... but now I understand that they were not forgotten, but locked away in my mind bank. Why does the brain storage so many things? You would say that this is it's function and yes it's true, the brain is like a storage system, but I am impressed, because it seems to me it stores all of the things, thinking one day you might need them and hoping one day you will open you personal Pandora box and take a look inside.

We have moments of emptiness when we ask ourselves: "Why am I feeling like this?" or "What is wrong with me?" but just after we verbalize the questions, we rush out from that state, we shake off those feelings and head outside... when we are supposed to stay within.

We run in so many directions, we praise people or blame people just out of habit and it's so darn hard to change the habit. Our minds keep stamping people everywhere we go, we don't even do it in a conscious way, but we do it, because we've got so used to our minds "talking" in a non-stop manner.

I now understand how less I've been loving myself, how less I've been respecting myself and how less I've been getting to know myself.
I focus on all people possible, but not on myself. As if I am a perfect sphere and some other people need polishing and I offer to do it for them.
I now understand in what type of process I have to place myself, where compassion, love and understanding have to be there for me and how judging myself will not take me anywhere, exactly how pleasing everyone by being how everyone wants me to be will just send me directly to the Nut House.

We find ourselves in intellectual conversations about what life really is, about it's meaning and about how we wish to find our purpose and how we wish to be more in the heart and less in the mind, but we achieve nothing with such conversations, if we go home and forget that life means us and everyone around us, the whole world;  if we do not respect our bodies, but we think we respect our spirit... the body is the temple of our soul... so how can the soul be happy in a body which is mistreated, blamed, judged and fed with garbage? What spiritual awakening can take place in such a body?
Or if we continue to offend people or to have curse words in our daily vocabulary...
What spiritual awakening can take place? What balance can happen within? None.

If we don't respect our nature - as a woman or as a man - if we do not value it, love it and cherish it - who will do it for us ? Nobody.
If you give all your time to others and very less to yourself... when will you have time to watch yourself, be one with yourself and just love yourself for who you are??
Don't try to give what you yourself don't have.

I'm now trying to talk only about what I'm experiencing with myself... I'm not a guru or a zen master, but I've understood that it's almost like a sin when we explain to other people the miracle of life, it's magic, when we ourselves are blind and heartless and very little in contact with our own souls. We preach theory but from no personal experience... and I've done it myself throughout the time... and I regret it.
If you are not yet balanced, accept that you are not balanced... if you yet see no good change in yourself, don't claim to have changed... give yourself time to find yourself, but to do so, you really have to start the journey towards your heart and soul...