My mantra

I had moments when I freaked out within - in a quiet, yet chaotic-desperate manner - it was my moment when I had pushed myself into the darkness of my own being and I have to admit I was not understanding much of what was going on. I wanted to run away, delete everything that I had done, felt, experienced, act like it had never been... but the more I was trying to do so, the more I was deepening the wound, the more I was seeing darkness and no light.
And I said: "Fine, I am here now, I have never been here before, but since I am, it must be a reason behind this whole thing".
You know, it's harder to dig in mud, than to dig in hard ground... for the obvious reasons.
I guess I met my personal swamp this year - an interesting sight to observe, but if I had not gone inside it, I would not have understood the reason why I got there in the first place.

You know what makes a friend a real friend? When that person will tell you the most horrible things about you, because he/she loves you; not because he/she hates you... When he/she knows that this is the only way that you can be helped, that person will tell you such things and he/she will encourage you to go in the journey of meeting yourself and your darkest corners.

And you know what? No matter where you go, the journey will eventually have to happen inside yourself - coming home is never a destination, but a state of your soul.

I understood that the way I am is the best way that I can be - moreover, I am the only one who can decide what to change and what not to change about me. This is freedom, in my view.
I realized that words have a positive meaning only when you speak from the heart and from experience... There are no universal truths, everything can be one way and the moment you take it for granted, that very thing can show you a backside which you never imagined it could be there. And it usually hurts you.

 I am grateful I could hate myself strong enough to want to love myself.
But I had to see the rubbish, in order to see the gems. It's just the way things work.

And I learnt that what you want from life and what you want to do in life depend only on your wishes, your will to commit, your hard working desire, your ability to understand that the help that you actually need is YOUR help and also to really shift from THEORY to PRACTICE.

I close this year with a smile upon my face, a lot of love in my heart, a lot of faith in myself, with a "to do list" - which I will keep to myself - and with a feeling of gratefulness which I find hard to explain - so I won't. :)

For 2012 this is my mantra: Get Excited and Make Things !